29 things I learnt before 29

Life’s a funny thing isn’t it. One minute you’re 14 and navigating the art of giving your first gobbie with the added hindrance of braces and then BAM you’re about to enter the last year of your 20's and... well actually wearing braces again.

There’s something about turning 29. No longer in my early twenties, I’m in my late twenties, and almost my thirties. At one point in life, I thought turning thirty was shocking and far off. Now, as I enter the last year of my twenties next week, it is just on the horizon. So I thought I’d impart some of my wisdom on you all, despite not having been asked.

You’re welcome.

  1. Banish the drama. You only have so much room in your life and so much energy to give to those in it. If someone in your life is hurting you, draining you, or causing you pain, blocking their number isn’t cruel. It’s just a simple setting on your phone that will eliminate drama if you so choose to use it.

  2. A vitamin B12 injection in the bum is the most pleasurable thing you could ever put in your bottom. It will give you more energy than all the coffees and V's one could attempt to take. And it’s not painful.

  3. Life is way better when you have things to look forward to. Think of it as cheap therapy.

  4. Your sisters will turn into your best friends. My Mum used to say this to me as a kid and all I could do was laugh at the idea, now I have three built in best friends.

  5. Get to grip with taxes and GST - Don't be like me and end up with a 42k unexpected tax bill... It's even more taxing on your little brain than it is your bank account.

  6. If you want fake boobs, weight loss surgery or botox. Get it. Just don't put it on a credit card.

  7. Embrace how unhinged you are. 

  8. Age is just a number. As someone that's been in a 25 year old age gap relationship, it's only a big deal if you make it a big deal (actually maybe my parents wouldn't have said the same 6 years ago).

  9. No one looks like influencers, not even them. Same goes for actresses and models. Anyone whose image you see plastered on your Instagram, online or on a giant billboard - it isn’t real. To get that shot, there’s been hours of tan, hair, and makeup. Several out takes. Posing, angles and hundreds of photos. Stop comparing yourself because you’re not comparing yourself to a real human.

  10. Don’t you ever, EVER write something mean on the internet.  Trolls and keyboard warriors are the unpleasant dregs of society that don’t deserve their WiFi connection. If you’re ever tempted to write something that offers no purpose but to make someone feel like sh*t, don’t.

  11. Coffee, tonic and red wine are acquired tastes. You’ll learn to love them, trust me.

  12. If your not cringing at yourself, your not trying hard enough.  Whether you’re looking at a photo of a questionable style choice, a questionable instagram caption or a questionable ex; if you’re not cringing, you’re not growing.

  13. We’re all capable of cheating. You can act as horrified as you like but it’s not in our DNA to be monogamous, fidelity is a choice. It’s so normal to be attracted to other people when you’re in a relationship but acting on it is also a choice.

  14. "The good old days" are happening right now. Stay present and soak it in.

  15. Nothing good happens after 2am. Trust me, go home.

  16. Most men don’t actually want to be 'just' friends with you. And making female friends as an adult is super hard.

  17. A man is not a financial plan. Trust me, I've learnt this firsthand.

  18. Being gifted stuff by brands is not as fun as it looks. You feel obliged to sell your soul for a $29 drink bottle.

  19. Do not freaking send the essay. If you have to type the text, in your notes, on your phone, as a draft. . Do not. Do not SEND it. Go back and read it again.

  20. Going back to a man who hurt you, means you trust in him more than your future.  Trust me, your future is always better. Read that again, also.

  21. Dare to ask for more. Because it's the only way you'll get it.

  22. The man who thinks you owe him your body after paying for your dinner. Is not your man.

  23. A clear green flag is if he introduces you to his friends and at an appropriate time his family. You are not Victoria's Secret, top secret or Brads secret. You are worth showing off and any guy who makes you feel less than that is not your guy, find a man who is proud freaking mary to be with you.

  24. Medication isn’t evil. I spent years - YEARS - avoiding antidepressants because I was convinced they were for weak people who wanted the easy way out. My life is so much better for them.

  25. Take more pictures and videos. It doesn't matter if the people don't look perfect, someday they'll be the only physical memory you have.

  26. Finishing something just because you started is also stupid. Sex, a book, movies etc., if you’re not enjoying something, you don’t need to ‘power on through’. Just stop, there’s no point.

  27. Keep busy. An idle mind is the most dangerous road to mental health issues.

  28. Create an alter ego for yourself. That way, you can blame every stupid thing you do when drunk on her not yourself.

  29. Be unapolgetically you. It's the one thing money can't buy and not even AI can copy
Chris x 
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